For some unknown algorithmic reason, my YouTube feed had Magnus Carlsen appear in it. I never heard of him before, but he’s a chess-world celebrity and the top ranked. He evidently has an interesting persona, so I watched some videos – and was sucked into the online world of chess play. I used to play casually when younger – and since almost no one else cared about the game, I would usually win handily. It brought back memories of chess play – the calm and thoughtful exercise. I never played with a clock. I always thought that part was optional – but it’s really there because you not only play your opponent but you’re playing against a time limit too.
I joined chess for com and lichens dot org. On chess dot com I played some matches and in a few hours was rated 400. Granted – that’s not anything beyond beginner – but I was getting some wins and felt good about myself.
One more game. See if I can get above 400 before getting some sleep. Mistake.
I lost like 7 in a row – handily. I was playing people in France and it was like 3:00 AM their time. I was getting hammered. Maybe I suck, but they made zero mistakes. They would take 30 seconds between moves, and my thoughts were on them AND the clock. I made so many blunders, I’d get behind and then I would panic and just lose terribly. I was getting 30m matches in like 1 second from people at 3AM in France. Were THAT many people playing in their beds? Was I playing people or bots (provided by the online service)?
No one can defeat a bot – they just don’t make any mistakes. And they can even taunt in their approach I’ve noticed.
I spiraled – and kept losing. Wanting to play 1 good game before sleeping. I got none that night. I tried lichess and I got more appropriate matchings – it seemed like my competition was propely assigned to me. If I lost, it would be because I missed opportunities – not because I was playing 2000+ rated players (it would seem).
I quit the game for a few days. I wasn’t having fun – I was fighting myself – trying to come up with crazy tactics and panicking at the first sign of attack. I was in a bad place.
I just played a match and I did alright. I think my rating is like 1500 or something but that’s not accurate until I play a lot more and it will come down to 350 for 400 I’m sure – maybe lower. I have no guidance in the game yet, so I must be very careful. I want to continue playing if it improves my life in some way (thinking, entertainment, etc). But if it just becomes something I deal with in a negative way, I’ll have to abandon it and assume it’s just not for me.
I hope it is. I like the idea of being good at chess.