Rant: Organic Peanut Butter

Rant: Organic Peanut Butter

We bought organic peanut butter for the kids since on the surface of it, it should be healthier I guess. Is it really? Who knows. I’ll tell you what though, it’s disgusting. It’s complete shit.

You open the jar and it’s a free-flowing oily mass of semi-transparent pond scum. The illustrations of peanuts on the label are the only indications that what’s in this vessel is actually supposed to be peanut-related.

So you spread it… you… kind of pour it… you put it on the bread and it half soaks into the bread and half needs manipulated around the surface of the bread. Disgusting. Should I give this to the kids? Alright… well… it says to refrigerate after opening. Okay.

A few days pass and the kids want peanut butter and jelly again. I don’t know why they love it so when we have so many great options, but why fight it? It’s easy to make.

The shit has congealed with the cold temperature of the refrigerator to an un-spreadable fecal mass.

I give up. This stuff is complete shit and I can’t believe this made it out of some food lab somewhere. Perhaps when it did they thought to themselves, “Hey, they already bought this stuff. Who cares if it’s total rubbish?”

Not again on my watch. No more organic peanut butter ever again. There, now I feel a little better. I think I’ll leave the jar out for awhile so it can turn back into Satan’s watery hinge grease and see if it can fix that squeak on one of the wheels on one of the garage door assemblies.

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