I’m a child of the end of the 60s and beginning of the 70s. The space program had just made a successful moon landing and NASA was in the news before I was aware of much of it until growing up. Outer space was represented in the toys my parents would buy for me – and notably they got me a large book about the space program. I can still smell the over-sized book, but I cannot for the life of it remember the title.
It may have been an official NASA publication. It was full of black and white photography, a lot of mathematical equations and artist renderings of vehicles, propulsion systems, signage, suits, and other heavy science information.
It made me dream. I can remember not reading it but soaking up the images and the wonder of what it would be like to be so smart, so in shape, so confident, and so daring as to be an astronaut surrounded by such machinery and such ambition. It was like dreaming while still being awake. I remember visiting Cape Canaveral on a family vacation. Visiting the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. It was something that filled me with wonder. To smell the stale paint on the lunar capsule filled me with wonder.
I never took it seriously enough to strive for a job as an astronaut because I thought it was so far out of reach. Looking back, maybe it was. But it was something I always had in the back of my mind, and evidently I still do.
I started watching Apple’s For All Mankind again. And it’s like opening that book back up when I was young and seeing the vastness of space laid out in front of me in enormous pages. I’m sure my father probably picked the book up for me somewhere and had no idea what an impact that book would have on me. All these years later I am still affected by it. And I spent months looking for it – but when you don’t know the title or the year… it’s a nearly impossible task. Anyway, watching the show is emotional for me and it takes me back in time to the living room or my bedroom – where I would lug that huge book around to.
I wish I had pursued a career in the space program. Perhaps not as an astronaut, but in some capacity. To be on the leading edge of life. To have discussions with others touched by the same scientific curiosity. Those seeking answers to questions they didn’t realize that they had. To step across the threshold of what’s known and expected into the complete unknown. I find that fascinating and I am glad I can relive even a small amount of that through this television show.
I am taking my time – because I am afraid of watching it all and having nothing of it left to look forward to. I don’t even know how many seasons there are left to watch. I won’t investigate because I am afraid of knowing. To relive these feelings and these spiritual longings was surprising to me. I had seemingly forgotten all about that book and those images – until I felt like I was even a minuscule part of it again just by watching a show about it. For some reason the show hits harder than Apollo 13 (the movie). No idea why.
I should have some fantastic dreams tonight – and in a much younger body but sporting the same mind.